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Bat out of Hell

13 May

The Monster Highs disappeared last night. They were back again this morning, slipping silently into the bedroom. I am guessing that they needed to eat and all the bodies piled up in the film the other night must have given them a proper appetite (shit – this is so weird that it doesn’t freak me out, my tolerance for the bizarre has gone through the roof!). No idea where they went and to be honest, I’m not going to ask, and The Monkey just doesn’t want to know. I just hope we don’t see any stories about grave robbing on the local news…


Collected the bikes today! Tony drove me, The Monkey and Kev to the dealer and we rode back on two 250cc XR-F Enduro’s. The Green and Red Society have offered us all the funding we need to bankroll our shenanigans, so I paid for the bikes in cash and left behind a very happy salesman. Haven’t been on a bike for a while and I’d forgotten what a buzz it is! The Monkey loved it and insisted on flipping the finger at every car we passed. 

This afternoon we manhandled the bikes up the stairs and into the spare room. After we got our breath back we did some more training and then checked out the night vision goggles etc. It looks like we are going in either tomorrow or Wednesday. We won’t know for sure until the girls wake up – they are a bit like snakes and sleep a lot after a big feed…


14 May

Boooo! The girls are still asleep so no adventure today…

It’s been a fucking horrible day – wind, rain, cold. It’s May for fuck sake!! Ended up doing bag work and oiling our guns (and that’s not a euphemism). Now we are in the midst of a Buffy the Vampire Slayer marathon courtesy of the nerds. Ah Spike, the Billy Idol of vampires, always so much cooler than Angel – I blame Angel for the rise of the shiny, angst, pretty boy vampires… bastard! Any way fucking off now, JD has just been topped up and Buffy is back on screen…


15 May

The Monster Highs are up and about again – hooray! But they didn’t wake up until the middle of the afternoon which was too late for us to go through the black hole. We stood and watched the sun’s rays gradually creeping over the desert through the window of the black hole, very picturesque but totally the wrong side of the day for our purposes. We need to go in when it is still night there so that we have a chance of not being observed and also because the girls don’t do well in broad daylight. So, we will be setting the alarm for 5am tomorrow and that should give us plenty of hours of darkness to go romping round the desert.

Of course, this has meant more training and gun cleaning, although the sun did come out today, so we got to play outside. Now, once again, we are drinking and watching TV. This time The Monkey has chosen, and we are watching Black Hawk Down. Not sure if this is doing Kev much good. He has to go into a possible fire fight tomorrow, and as we watch the US Rangers aren’t doing so well, and there is a lot of arterial spray.

I think we may call it a night earlier than usual and see if we can be a bit more professional tomorrow morning – maybe without too much of a hangover, those guns are loud…


16 May

What an anti-climax going through the black hole was! I was expecting mad sensations and crazy warping effects or something – too much TV. Instead it was just like stepping through a doorway into another room, except we were on motorbikes and there were two blokes, a monkey and a ghoul, all armed to the teeth. I like to think that in some small way it looked like the cover of Meatloaf’s ‘Bat out of Hell’ album – but probably not.

Anyway, we were in the Nevada desert, Area 51 to be precise, and we were stoked.

I looked back at the black hole expecting to see the other two nerds and the remaining Monster High looking at us out of mid-air but the only sign was a ripple in the air, a bit like heat haze but in the dark. I asked how the hell we were going to find it again but apparently to the Monster Highs it looks like a whirling light show so no problems there then.

We set off across the desert in the direction that The Monkey said the tower thing was. It’s so cool riding a bike through the desert at night! The moon was still off its first quarter so it was pretty dark although there were no clouds, so the starlight was awesome. Riding in night vision goggles is interesting as well, it takes a little time to get used to the change in depth perception. We stopped on a ridge and The Monkey pointed out the outline of the tower on the distant hills and we did a quick estimate and decided that they were about a ten-minute ride away.

Twelve minutes later and we were at the foot of the hills and looking for a way up. We rode along the lower slope for a couple of miles and then found a wide track leading upwards. There were tyre tracks visible, but they didn’t look recent, so we powered up the twisting track to the top. The tower looked a bit like a radio transmitter tower but it had a dome shaped thing at the top and a series of spiral antenna radiating out from its sides most of the way up the forty odd foot of its height. It all looked a bit old school Sci-Fi and I was half expecting a robot to appear shouting ‘Danger Will Robinson!’ We had a good look round and Kev took some photos but there was nothing else there, no buildings and nothing leading to or from the tower. Kev thinks that the central pole running the height of the tower must go down into the earth and he hazarded a guess that it might be some sort of seismic monitoring tower.

We rode along the top of the hills until we came to the western end and in the distance we could see lights out on the desert floor. It looked from that distance like a compound of some sort and stretching into the distance behind it we could see more towers. The slope down the other side of the hills was fairly gentle so we rode down to the desert again and headed off towards were the lights where although we could no longer see them as it looked like there was a ridge in the way. After another ten minutes we had reached the ridge and we got off the bikes and crawled up to the top and peeked over. The compound was closer, and we could see tall lights all the way around the outside and low concrete structures behind tall wire fences and razor wire. The inside of the compound seemed to be separated by further fences and it looked as if there were people squatting or sitting in each of the separated sections. Then something truly bizarre happened. One of the figures turned towards us and seemed to be looking directly at us even though we should have been too far away and in too much darkness to be seen. Then it started to howl. We could hear it even at that distance. More lights came on and searchlights began to scan the desert around the compound and after a couple of minutes gates opened and a Humvee came tearing out onto the road and towards us. We scrambled down the ridge and took off on the bikes. We took the same route back as it looked like the quickest, and as we were heading back down the hills after passing the tower we could hear a deep hum that seemed to be coming from underground. The Monkey told me afterwards that when he looked over his shoulder, he saw the tower flickering with lights that looked like static and we all felt our hair beginning to stand on end.

Back on the desert floor we kicked it as fast as we dared, and the Monster High guided us back to the black hole. We slowed enough to ride through safely and all of a sudden, we were back in the spare room.

The Dave and Tony kept an eye on the black hole and reported that they had seen a vehicle driving round the area of the black hole and when the sun came up soldiers on foot checking where the motion sensors are. We will need to be more careful next time but now at least we have a target – find out what the fuck is going on in that compound.

The nerds have spent the rest of the day looking at Kev’s photos and discussing what they think the towers are. We have left them to it…


17 May

Even though the Monster High used her skills to mask us in yesterday’s adventure they still managed to track us back to the black hole – or at least they picked a big enough area that we might have been in and saturated it with soldiers. Patrols have been spotted through the black hole over the past 24 hours and there have been sightings of helicopters as well. They seem to be going round in circles, but they are worryingly close so no more incursions until everything settles down again.
The nerds are now thinking that the tower we found might be some form of energy generating structure. Their favourite pin-up Tesla is being mentioned again and they think that we should avoid towers when we go back in – just to be on the safe side. More worryingly the Monster Highs have been discussing the figures in the compound and they think that they might be ‘super normal’ humans. Not quite sure what that is but they reckon that we need to be careful if we are anywhere around them. After being spotted by one in the dark at extreme distance I tend to agree.

The Monkey thinks we should go back in ASAP and have a good look at the compound. He agrees with what everyone is saying but also contends that this was never going to be a picnic so we should just get on with it. He sent a message to the Green and Red Society today telling them what we had seen and asking if they had any idea what it might be, but we have heard nothing back from them yet. Plan is now to wait until the patrols slack off and head directly for the compound.

Tonight though we are wearing sombreros, eating chilli, drinking tequila and watching Danny Trejo  in ‘Machete’. This is what happens when the supermarket has a special on tortilla chips – things get out of hand…


18 May

The nerds spent a good two hours showing us a PowerPoint presentation they had put together outlining why they think that the towers are some sort of Tesla coil – with diagrams and photos. No typewriter sound effects though but a few checkerboard transitions. If they are correct, and despite the use of Comic Sans they made a compelling argument in favour, then we could be in trouble. They think that nobody had trespassed into the area for so long (ever?) that the towers weren’t activated and now they are probably up and running at full tilt. And what does that mean I hear you ask? It means that we will get fried to fuck by a billion volts if we stray within the killing zone of the towers and from what we have seen there are a lot of towers by the compound. Thank fuck for complacency as that probably saved our arses the other day but now they know someone has been on their patch of sand we won’t be as lucky next time.

More choppers were spotted through the black hole again today and a patrol with dogs was seen moving through the area. The Monster Highs did something and the dogs went mental and bit their handlers before sprinting off into the desert. It was pretty funny until the handlers started opening up on the fleeing dogs with automatic fire. High velocity rounds can apparently take a dog’s leg right off…

The Monkey has been chatting to some of his ‘contacts’ and thinks he can score some claymore mines. He is talking about setting them around the area of the black hole so that when we are on the run back, we can smash the fuck out of anyone pursuing. He has the best ideas…


19 May

Claymore’s arrived today, delivered by a bloke called Johno in a silver and black Mitsubishi Barbarian with what look worryingly like real shrunken heads hanging off the rear-view mirror. I don’t know how The Monkey meets these people, but it seems that Johno is an ex South African paratrooper turned mercenary. We sat and talked about our little issue and Johno suggested that we should take out one of the patrols and then infiltrate the compound in their vehicle. Sounds like a good idea and I suggested to The Monkey that Johno might like to come along and play. The Monkey gave me a look that said ‘You really don’t want that’ so I kept my mouth shut.

We are all going out to dinner at Señor Dicks in town (more Mexican) and while we wait for a couple of taxis I have just asked Johno where he got the realistic shrunken heads from. ‘Two realistic non shrunken bodies my friend’ was not the answer I particularly wanted…

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