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Fucking hell! it’s Ghandi!

18 July

At long last the girls can feel the presence of whatever it is, and it is very close. We are getting tooled up again and tonight we are going hunting. Tally ho!…

The girls picked up the scent almost immediately and we scrambled across the steep slope to our left and then fanned out into a loose semicircle and pushed down into the valley. For the first time since we started chasing it, we could make out a shadow amongst the other shadows darting ahead of us. The moon, although not yet full, was doing a very good job of lighting up the slope below us and the valley sides and I gave up with the night vision goggles as I couldn’t make out the shadowy figure with them on anyway.

At the loch shore we picked up speed and we knew that this time we were going to run down whatever it was. But it kept to cover as much as it could and we were forced to run across a mix of difficult terrain – thank fuck for all the training we have been doing! Finally, we saw the shadow dart into the ruins of the castle, and we knew that there was no easy way out. The Monkey’s fire had started, and he gave off a bluish glow in the darkness. The Monster Highs led us unerringly through to the back of the ruins and there it was – waiting.

My first thought was, ‘Fucking hell! It’s Ghandi!’ But it wasn’t Ghandi… Very thin, bald head, wearing a long mouldering overcoat on top of a tatty orange robe and what looked like the remains of green gloves, but the massive glowing eyes were not the result of National Health specs. It still had vaguely oriental features and the string of prayer beads around its neck immediately made me think of the Buddhist monk that The Monkey had met in Thailand. The girls closed in and it began to lash out, but it was no contest and they pinned it to the wall by its bony arms. It looked quite pathetic as it struggled against the girls and gnashed what was left of its teeth. ‘What is it?’ asked The Monkey and the girls told us that this was a sort of zombie creature that had died but its life force had never truly left its body – probably the result of some magic ritual. They also said that they thought us taking the box and bringing it home had woken the thing up and it had been trying to get the box back.

The Monkey stared long and hard at the squirming zombie thing and lifted the beads around its neck. ‘He was a monk,’ The Monkey stated, confirming my thoughts. What was a Buddhist monk doing on a U-boat off the shore of Scotland with a holy relic stuffed inside a soft toy? But we would not get any answers from the monk, even if he still had a tongue in his head, because The Monkey’s fire touched the shrivelled body as he handled the beads and the undead monk was consumed in blue fire. The girls jumped back releasing the monk as they did so and it staggered round in a small circle as the flames ate through its body until there was nothing left but a pile of ash. Ah… The Monkey crouched down by the smouldering heap and fished something out of the remains. It was a metal object, sort of like a really ornate egg whisk. He dropped it into his belt pouch and that was it.

We started to retrace our steps and when we got to the edge of the ruins, we could see the first glow of dawn. So we started running again. The Monster Highs don’t burst into flames or anything stupid in sunlight, they just don’t like being out in the open in it – winter is a much better time of year for them. Running up steep hillsides is not fun though so eventually me and The Monkey waved them on, and we sat on a convenient rock while I got my breath back. The girls had soon disappeared out of sight and so we just had a gentle stroll back up to the black hole and we made it there just as the sun was rising.

Spent the rest of the day in bed and we have reconvened with the Nerds and the Prof to find out if there is any news on what the finger bone might be…

19 July

We told the Nerds and the Prof what had happened with the zombie monk and The Monkey showed them the metal thing he had picked up. Prof Brian recognised it as a vajra, a Tibetan prayer object in the form of a stylised lightning bolt. A Tibetan monk on a Nazi U-boat? Tony got very excited by this. He is heavily into conspiracy theories and weird history stuff and he said that there are stories of Tibetan monks in Berlin at the end of WW2. He immediately offered to get together all the stuff he could find on the subject – he loves a project…

The Prof’s lab buddies want to run some tests on the finger, so we agreed to run it up to Bristol. They have been doing a bit of research into what was collected by the Nazis during the war and there are some rumours that have got the lab geeks hot under the collar…

20 July

In Bristol. Me, The Monkey and the Prof that is…

We drove up this morning against the flow of holiday makers heading for the Cornish beaches. Prof Brian guided us to the labs, and we met a couple of truly nerdy nerds. There was much excitement and we were ushered further into the lab and into the presence of a more senior nerd. The Prof and the other Prof man-hugged and then it was all about the finger bone.

We let them get on with it after The Monkey impressed upon them how potentially lethal it would be for them if the bone went missing, then Prof Brian took us to his house where we will be staying tonight while the lab boys go mental. The place is full of puzzles and code and shit. There are stacks of books all over the floor and cabinets full of ancient and not so ancient puzzles, although to be honest I only really recognised the Rubik Cube. The Prof offered us a guided tour of his obsession, but we asked him where the nearest boozer was and now we are getting happily pissed while the lab geeks do their thang…

21 July

Was expecting some answers but the lab guys have gone to great lengths to explain that overnight they have carefully taken minute samples which they are now processing but that it will take several days for the results to be ready. They especially went to great lengths when they saw The Monkey’s expression and offered us some possibilities to placate him…

Among the rumours circulating about Nazi occult collecting are tales of the German army, a French castle, the Knights Templar, and holy relics brought back from the Crusades. Amongst those relics was rumoured to be the finger of John the Baptist and it was considered to be the greatest treasure of the Templars. Well, we won’t know if that is a possibility until the results come back, and then we will only have an approximate age and ethnic grouping. Interesting. Doesn’t explain zombie monk boy though…

So, we drove back home. The Prof came with us, he said that he wanted to but he also had no real choice as his car is parked outside our house. Right then, take away curry, lots of Jack, beer, cigars, and new Family Guy on the TV. Things are looking up…

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