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27 May

Our oriental friends have come back with some worrying thoughts regarding the compound. It seems they have been hearing rumours about this for some time.

After the super soldier experiment got shut down in south east Asia it restarted in the Nevada desert but this time using ex-soldiers recruited by none other than Brightstorm. But the rumours are that the DMT-fuelled test subjects began to experience a different reality that began to impinge upon their everyday reality, and this made them uncontrollable. It was believed that the programme had been scraped but it seems that the test subjects are still alive and kicking, and weird. The Mao Shan did some remote viewing strangeness and they reckon that the test subjects are being kept under control by some sort of hypnotic drug and then they are switched on or off by a stimulus – the alarm in this case. They also believe that the experiment is continuing although with a different focus and the potential for releasing these remote-controlled human bombs into society has not escaped us. If you need a false flag attack, an assassination or any number of other possible scenarios then what better than to have a puppet do it for you?

There is also something else in the desert that they are concerned about. A Chinese communication satellite has been sending back high-resolution images of the desert to the east of the compound. There is an antenna array there that covers approximately a square mile, but it doesn’t show up in all of the photos. They are going to remote view this as well but already believe that it could be more important than the compound. The Monkey is planning another raid but this time he is talking about leaving nothing behind…

28 May

Johno went home today with a shopping list from The Monkey. He is still not quite sure what has happened over the past few days and I don’t think he is safe to drive long distances but hey – I’m not his mom…


The Monster Highs have been giving us the lowdown on the dangers of a night out in town. Apparently, there are all sorts of non-humans on the prowl out there that like to prey on drunk, horny boys and girls. Fortunately, most of them just want a taste rather than to devour their victim but even so it does leave a residual effect. The Monkey reminded the girls they had manipulated their meeting with us, and they replied that there are, of course, no coincidences but surely it was us who had rescued them – sly smiles all around. After seeing them in action I doubt very much that they needed our protection.

It’s just a good job that we are such models of restraint and decorum – fuck off with your laughter! The Monkey has drunk a bottle of Jack and is currently throwing shit at Britain’s Got Talent

29 May

The Mao Shan came back to us today with the result of their remote viewing. The antenna array that the satellite photographed is really troubling them. They believe it is a HAARP installation and they are convinced it is being used to manipulate the weather for very specific purposes – the devastation of crops across vast regions of the planet. I had to get the Nerds to explain to us what exactly HAARP is – High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program – supposed to be for ionosphere research but linked by some people to earthquakes, wildlife death, abnormal weather, and a list of other stuff both feasible and totally mental.

We are waiting now for Johno to come back with The Monkey’s latest goodies, if he remembers, given the state of his head that is. In the meantime, we sit and look at slightly bonkers conspiracy theories on the web…

30 May

We have been keeping up with the training and it is really starting to pay off – not just in terms of our ability to fight – we are also starting to get decent beach bodies, so if we don’t die or get anything shot off, we might not look like fat bastards this year. Of course, The Monkey doesn’t worry about that shit and is convinced that all you need is cigars and JD to look cool. Maybe he’s right… But then he is an incarnate monkey god…

31 May

Johno called to say he has got most of the stuff that The Monkey has ordered. He is still waiting for something called an MPS AA-12 Sledgehammer, The Monkey has asked for two of these and he says one is for me and one for Kev. I had absolutely no idea what an AA-12 was but when Kev heard he went all wide eyed and the other Nerds looked at him like he had been voted mayor of Maplins. He then proceeded to show me clips of The Expendables where the MPS AA-12 Sledgehammer – an automatic shotgun – is used to blow most of a building and a shit load of bad guys to bits. Awesome!

We are coming for you Mr Arno Whitaker and your little dog too, and we are coming bearing the gifts of fire and death. Now I need a drink and to watch the rest of The Expendables to get warmed up for my new toy…

1 June

Training today was tough but at least we have some sun. We went back out to the woods and shot some more random targets with random firearms. The Monkey also practised bringing on a small portion of his god self and the Nerds looked on in awe as he flickered with fire and punched holes in trees. He seems to be controlling it quite well, but I worry about what his self-control will be like when we are in full on combat.

BBQ and beer in the back garden this evening. The Monster Highs have gradually relaxed the cloaking thing they put on the house and we can talk to the neighbours again although they do look a bit surprised, as if they were not at all sure that we actually existed.

The Monkey found some lawn darts in the shed and we are now battling it out in epic style – doing shots between throws is making it interesting and quite lethal…

2 June

Dave came back from the minor injuries unit around midday. We thought that the lawn dart wound in his leg was superficial but then we were very drunk, and we didn’t want to wake him up. When he came round this morning and we had a good look we all agreed that he should get it looked at, plus the dart was pretty dirty. They cleaned him up and irrigated and packed the wound and then gave him quite a lot of antibiotics. They wanted him to explain how it had happened and when he said lawn dart, they all nodded sagely…


Johno phoned again and he says he will have all the stuff tomorrow morning and can deliver later on in the day. Looks like we are going to go back in on Tuesday morning…

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